This is a edited re-post from my earlier blog post.
Have you set your goal? Once you have set the goal how do you achieve it? Finding ways to support your goals and making sure how do you stay on track to get to your desired road to your final goal destination.
Sometimes it is easy to get of the track and get of the path. Sometimes life comes in between, you know unexpected events or daily life things get in a way. I know I have been off goal track a few times, and I am sure I am not the only one who has gotten off the track. The key is to get back on track to your goal as soon as possible.
Having clear goals with set of steps to achieve them surely will help. It seems simple and easy. But it is true, if we want to take control of where our life is going, we have to stop doing what is not working and start doing things you have been postponing for some day later.
Take a look at your life right now. Is where you want it to be? Can you change, improve it? What is your true personal value and what you want to be and do in your life? Knowing what you want and your values is big step.
Easy Ways How to Stay On Track
1. Be clear and know your core personal values and prioritize them.
Doing this step is important so that you will not do things outside of core values or ethics.
2. Look at your life to see what is working and what can be changed.
3. Set Clear and measurable goals based on previous steps.
4. Make sure your goals are balanced in life. Such as, do not set only money related goal and forget health or relationships. Make sure you have health, wealth and relationship with your final goal.
5. Follow or get mentor. Having a couch or mentor can help you clear your doubts and helps you keep in direction you supposed to go. Mentor can be a expert, a friend, a relative or hired expert. One does not have to spend lot of money to get right mentor.
6. Be with people who have similar goals. It has been said, we do get influenced by friends and family we usually hang out with, so be with right kind of people and with positive attitude. If you can not find right people to hang out, join a community, organization or forum of similar minded people to reinforce the goal and its road to get there.
7. Tell other people about your goal, write it down to make sure you are held accountable for your actions. It will keep you on track.
8. When things are getting off the track, ask yourself what is working and what is going right and do not focus on negatives. Making small changes towards goals will have gain you self esteem and motivation to keep going until you get to your goal.
Conclusion:
Sometimes life happens, we may get off the track of our goal. Having clear goals, mentor, a friend who held you accountable will steer you back to your road to your goals and back to track.
I admit, I am outspoken person, that means talking comes easy and listening is harder. If we want to be a better friend, a better spouse, a better leader, listening skill is equally important skill to master for all of us. All too often we are far more enthusiastic about talking than we are listening. Yet it is so vital if we are to communicate effectively. Most break downs in relationships are caused because people talk at each other without really making contact. Unless someone hears what has been said including the subtext the words have little value.
One of the biggest problem I have during listening is when person is talking, I am already thinking of counter sentence or reply to what the person is saying without really focusing on 100% listening. I hear but I do not listen properly. One time, I promise Zenguy that I will completely listen to him, without interrupting and counter outwitting him. I came to realize I am was bad at listening part. Since then I have decided to search on how to be a better listener. While I am improving, I still have ways to go. Here are some key point that I have learned which may help you as well having a better relationship with your spouse, kids, co-workers and friends.
Why Listening is Best for Relation Building:
When we are actively listened to we feel valued and are far more likely to engage in negotiation and compromise.
Listening is about far more than words. Watching facial expression and body language is often a far more accurate barometer than the words that are being used.
Nice things being said where the smile doesn’t reach the eyes is an obvious example.
To be an effective listener it is vital that you listen actively.
How to Be An Effective Listener: 8 ways to becoming a more effective listener:
While, there are many ways to be a best listener, here are top 10 key points that will make a you a better person, a better leader, a better spouse and a better parent or friend just simply by listening and giving importance to other person’s point of view. After all, we all want to be appreciated for what we are, what we say and do.
The main thing when you listen is to make an eye contact during listening to the person so he or she knows you are focusing on what he or she has to say.
Read the body language of the talker. Are they relaxed, anxious, angry? Extremes are easy to recognize but often the message is much more subtle. Try to also focus on your body language to keep it neutral, specially if conversation is opposite of your view point. Mirror the talker’s body language- subtly, a gentle dance rather than a caricature.
Show that you are listening, make a nod, make appropriate responses as required truly.
If possible, Ask relevant questions, ask them to clarify if you are not clear about their meaning, when they finished talking the sentence. Wait until they take a break, try not to interrupt in middle of the sentence. Summarize: so what you are saying is……….so they know what you understood is correct or not.
Use open ended questions, the who, what, where, when to make sense of it all. (if there is a confusion)
Be careful of the tone of your voice when you respond or ask questions. It is all to easy to come across as judgmental and hostile. That would defeat the purpose of a good listener, right?
Use empathy. Acknowledge difficulties, but be careful not to fall into the trap of going into anecdotes from your experience. “ I sense that you are finding this rather difficult” rather than “Oh I know, it happened to me but mine was bigger, more difficult etc” Try not to relay your own experience and give them solution. Many times, people do not want solutions, they just want to be heard.
Take a real interest, if you are simply going through the motions the lack of sincerity will be obvious to others. Leave your problems, worries and ego behind when listening to other person. I sometimes find myself thinking of what to make for dinner or pay bills, that will not be obvious to person talking and not make things better. Leave other things behind for little while.
Summary:
Keep practicing, if you do not succeed first time, try again and again. It will become easier. Practice with your best friend, spouse or your mom. When someone truly listens to you, without any judgement or interruptions, you will end up feeling so fulfilled and know how great it feels to be listened to and be understood. After that you want to make other people feel that way as well, it is contiguous.
Life is sometimes what we make it out to be, what we think it is. Here is life’s little wisdom to share with friends and inspire each of us to smile, hug and do something nice for us and each other.
I thought this was lovely, a bit long and drawn out but true
May you find peace and happiness in your hearts always
Sometimes in life, you find a special friend;
Someone who changes your life
just by being part of it.
Someone who makes you laugh
until you can’t stop;
Someone who makes you believe
that there really is good in the world.
Someone who convinces you
that there really is an unlocked door
just waiting for you to open it.
Always try to help a friend in need
Believe in yourself
Be brave…but it’s ok to be afraid sometimes
Study hard
Give lots of hugs and kisses to your kids
Laugh often
Don’t be overly concerned with your weight, it’s just a number
Always try to see the glass half full
Meet new people, even if they look different to you
Remain calm, even when it seems hopeless
Take lots of naps..whenever you can!
Be weird whenever you have the chance
Love your friends, no matter who they are
Don’t waste food
RELAX
Take an occasional risk
Try to have a little fun each day.
….it’s important
Work together as a team
Share a joke with friends
Fall in love with someone.
…and say “I love you” often
Express yourself creatively
Be conscious of your appearance
Always be up for surprises
Love someone with all of your heart
Share with friends
Watch your step
It will get better
There is always someone who loves you more than you know
Exercise to keep fit
Live up to your name
Seize the Moment
Hold on to good friends; they are few and far between
All of us sometimes have to deal with negative people that simply drains our energy and our wit. Sometimes we can avoid these people to catch a breath and other times, we may not be able to, specially, if that person happens to be a relative, co-worker, boss. How to we deal with negative people depends on our own thinking and perspective. Some might say “Do not let him/her get to you” or “Just ignore them” type of suggestions, but sometimes it is not so simple to just do that. For that we need to cultivate our mind and habit to a point where whatever someone says or behaves does not affect us.
Meanwhile, we can not get rid of people in our life, politics, jealousy, anger, negativity in people affects us. As humans tend to be social creatures and we have social need, we will bound to find occasionally people who may drive us crazy with their negative thinking.
How to Deal With Negative People
While we may wish to eliminate negativity from world, until that happens we can use these simple tips to dealing with these people bit easier on us.
1.Place limits or restrictions:
Having no limits can give anyone free reign to do as they wish, so set limit. Such as if someone keeps saying bad words or keeps on complaining, tell them to stop or redirect the conversation.
2. Find Protection
Let’s face it, sometimes we are more sensitive and vulnerable to criticism or constant negativity. During those time, find some protection to help you such as take trusted friend when you are meeting a negative person. Make sure you avoid more than require contact with difficult person until you feel ready for it.
3. Push for Positivity.
It is difficult to be positive all the time, but it can be changed. Whenever you think, negativity is starting to affect you, find a inspirational quotes book, go out in fresh air, share a joke with someone, do something you absolutely love to bring back positive balance back in to the life.
4. Redirect or Change the Topic
When conversation is going somewhere, where it becomes awkward and uncomfortable. You can redirect or change the conversation topic subtlety to avoid further negativity.
5. Find Reasons Behind it
Sometimes when we look for “whys” behind someone’s negativity either towards us or someone else, things become little easier to handle and fix. If someone is negative towards you, find out why they feel that way, once you listen to the cause you might be able to fix it, say sorry or move on. Knowing why can help you with solution in some cases.
6. Eat well, Sleep well.
Our energy or positivity is low when we are famished and sleepy. So always try to eat well, sleep well, eat and think healthy to be your best energy level to take each day in best way we can.
7. Find What works for you.
Only you know yourself better than anyone else. So, know what works for you and what situation cause you to stress out and be frustrated. Avoid people, situation that makes you feel out of control and uncomfortable. If you do find situation that is negative, work out a small back up plan to get out of it as soon as you can.
How To Deal With Negative People Video
Here is a short video I found that explains it well on how to deal with Negative people.I hope you are lucky one that do not need to deal with anyone negative, but if you are like most of us, these tips will come handy.
I am writing a series of 101 small changes that we can make to make the quality of our life better and build and lead a more happier life that is in tune with our heart and mind. These are small changes that I have made and am working on right now, so I know they are possible for anyone to do.
If you have not read previous posts, check out a few posts on the changes from the past:
Do you know the most important thing in your life? I thought I did. I always knew that being financial independent, healthy, and having a love and care from my family and friends was the best thing for anyone. I have written about finding core values before, and I am aware that many of us get often overwhelm with life’s chore and things we all must do that leaves little time for anything else.
Only thing was that I was not really following my own personal values. I thought I was doing okay and living the best life until recently. Often time we are too busy, or spend time in “perceived” important things that we may lose sight of what is truly important things in our life and how to make time for those most important things.
A good old and “Tell like It is” friend told me, that I was so engrossed in my writing projects lately to ignore family and friends.
I saw an accident where some stranger lost his life in blink of an eye. Life is too short.
These two events shook me up and made re-look at my priorities again to see truly what is important to me and I wanted to share.
While being financial independent is important to me, I want to make sure I have time for my loved ones and make money without losing my morals and ethics.
How to Make Sure You are Living the Best Life You can Live?
Many of us have many passions and hobbies. Many times we do things because we like it, other times, we do things because we have to; such as working at a job we do not like, so that we can pay bills. There are other things that we must do have no choice such as doing dishes, waking up at middle of night for sick child or sick friend and so on.
While both might be somewhat uncomfortable, second one has more value as it is about people you care about. Yet, many of us will say money is not important and it will not bring long term happiness yet we do things for these job or making money which is not aligned with our own personal core values.
Before we can get anywhere, we must look at within ourselves to see what ticks us, what makes us happy and what are our core personal values are. Once we understand that living and making living choices becomes much easier.
A while ago, I had gone through this exercise but it is important to follow up and see if they still hold true.
How to find out your True Personal Value?
While our priorities may change with time, our inner core personal values generally tend to stay constant. The best way I have found to find a personal core value is through following steps;
Step 1: Look through list of Values you think that describes you. If you need help with list of Values, here are some example.
Accomplishment
Success
Accountability
Adventure
Peace
Beauty
Commitment
Community
Connection
Improvement
Creativity
Decisiveness
Democracy
Justice
Peace
Happiness
Faithfulness
Equality
Diversity
Compassion
Family
Freedom
Friends
Financial
Honesty
Independent
Leadership
Loyalty
Love
Knowledge
Money
Personal Growth
Wealth
Resourceful
Respect
Quality
Security
Status
Trust
Wisdom
Unity
Legacy
There are more choices of personal values, if you need more personal value suggestions, but I have found this to be top best choices that work with most of the people.
Step 2: Pick 10 Values that you think describes you well. This step is longest as it requires deep thinking from within. Take your time, there is no rush.
Step 3: Once you have narrowed it down to 10 values, select top 5 values. Why? Because it is easier to go from 10 to 5 choices compared to many to 5 choices. Once you have these 5 values, that is what your values are.
Step4: Before making any decision, on a new job or new change of any sort, go through your top 5 values to see if that aligns with your core values.
Try not to do things that are not in your core values, even if monetary rewards are high. Why? Have you seen some people they have money and things that money can buy but they do not seem to enjoy it and seem unhappy? I am guessing, it is most likely because of inner core value conflict.
Just imagine living the best life you can be, when you are living conscious, value driven life and career that is meaningful to your own personal values!
Love makes everything better. If you think that is cliche, think of all the people who did not get love from family, others they tend to become trouble maker or may find distrust in people. all of us want to love and be loved by others. Love is universal, it does not need a language, religion or race to make it understand and feel. Love is felt, love is experience, love is hard to explain in a words but here are a few quotes that will simply does that. Love can be from spouse, mother, father, friend, siblings, it does not have be romantic kind, as there are many type of love relationship, many of them are non sexual. Getting love from parents when you are young is is important for first 5 years of child’s life as shown by many child experts, it makes them grow up to be a better human being according to them.
There are many great love quotes about funny love, cute love and heart break. Here are 10 love quotes to make you listen to your heart for once and forget mind.
10 Love Quotes For you!
10. “To love someone deeply gives you strength. Being loved by someone deeply gives you courage.”- Lao Tzu
9. “The person who tries to live alone will not succeed as a human being. His heart withers if it does not answer another heart. His mind shrinks away if he hears only the echoes of his own thoughts and finds no other inspiration.” – Peter S. Buck
8. “With love and patience, nothing is impossible”- Daisaku Ikeda
7. “The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.” -Helen Keller
6. “If I had a flower for every time I thought of you, I could walk in my garden forever.” -Alfred Lord Tennyson
5. “Love is but the discovery of ourselves in others, and the delight in the recognition.” -Alexander Smith
4. “If you have love in your life it can make up for a great many things you lack. If you don’t have it, no matter what else there is, it’s not enough.” -Ann Landers
3. “You know you’re in love when you don’t want to fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” -Dr. Seuss
2. “I love you, not only for what you are, But for what I am when I am with you.” -Roy Croft
My favorite and #1 quote for love is;
“People were created to be loved;
Things were created to be used;
The reason why world seems to be in CHAOS,
is because things are being loved;
and people are being used.”
I am not sure who the original author of above quote is, but it is so profound. No wonder the modern world, we feel something is not right, and now we can pinpoint the reason and fix it in our life.
Feel Love, Listen to your heart. Heart has never steered anyone wrong, listening to mind over your heart may keep you maybe rich or popular but rarely happy. Find a balance that your heart and mind wants it together! Finding harmony in life is always a best route.
“When you are content to be simply yourself and don’t compare or compete, everybody will respect you.” -Lao Tzu quotes
Do you find yourself to be unhappy? Are you always wishing for more? Are you waiting to start living your life to the fullest? Many people think and wish that “if only I had so-and-so, then I would be happy, I can start enjoying my life”. Once they achieve that goal, the next desire manifests. There is no end to human desires. A desire is like a bottomless pit which never can be filled, resulting in our unhappiness, jealousy and maybe even some sleepless nights. So what is the solution for being happy right now?
Being content with what you have is one of the best way to achieve happiness in our lives. There are various ways to be content .
Now, this does not mean, not having goals or not wanting to do our best, as this is more about being content with what you already have. This is the way I see it, goals are for improving ourselves, our life, desires are mostly about wanting more stuff. Leo Babauta said very well about this subject in his post Incredible power of Contentment .
For some people, the grass is always greener on the other side, this type of mentality will keep them from truly enjoying their grass and life, both. I know, I have been there before. Here are a few lessons that I have learned along the way to find joy in my life again, which I want to share with all of you.
1. Choose to be happy
Some of you may wonder at this statement, and Yes you have a choice be happy or sad. It is totally up to us. While it is easier said than done, it is possible. Sometimes when I have to do something I am not fond of and I cannot seem to get out of, I tell myself I am going to have fun no matter what happens. And it happens, I end up having a great time, despite the adverse task. Try it once, you might be pleasantly surprised at the results.
2. Volunteer and Help Others
In my early days of volunteering, I got to meet many wonderful people and kids from all walks of life. Many of whom were more happier than I was, despite not having enough to eat for the whole day. As I became aware of the zest for life in these people, I realized that it was not I who helped them, rather they helped me find my own self!, my lost happiness.
Whenever I travel to India, I see happiness on faces even in harsh life. I see dreams and hopes, most of all, I see them smiling while working in extreme conditions. Seeing their smiling face, my complains for silly things vanish and inspiration and a new energy emerges.
3. Feel Gratitude
No matter how bad our condition might be, there are still many things going great for us. Counting our blessings and feeling gratitude from the sheart can do wonder to our perspective! Why? Wait until the “Thanksgiving” holiday to be thankful, be thankful each and every day!
Right now, Zenguy is between projects, instead of being sad about it, I can count my blessings for having him more at home to spend time with me and the kids. I also feel thankful for having simplified our life, where we can survive with our little savings until another job prospect comes along. Ups and downs are part of life, it is our attitude towards it that makes the difference.
4. Up the positivity
Even when things are looking bad, I am sure there still are lots of positives in our lives. Look at what you already have; what is going great for you already. Many of us call to complain when product or services were not the best, but how many of us actually call for exceptional services and great product? Sadly, not very often. Why? Because we tend to focus on the negative and we need to learn how to be more positive to live a happier life.
5. Do something you enjoy today
Even if we do not have job, business or blog going our way, we can still do something we can enjoy in smaller chunks. For example, when I am having a bad day, I read my favorite book yet again or cook something and that really cheers me up.
Sometimes, just taking a walk outside for 15 minutes will recharge you to tackle life’s issues. Sometimes, all one needs is a little nap or drinking a hot chai tea, like I do. There are many simple ways we can be happier in our daily life.
Have goals to improve yourself and your life not your material possessions. Be compassionate towards others, be thankful for what you have and enjoy your today. Do not wait for your life to start some day. You are happy today because you are free and alive today!
“When you are content to be simply yourself and don’t compare or compete, everybody will respect you.” -Lao Tzu quotes