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Meaningful Happy Holidays From Heart, Not Wallet

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Black Friday 2009: Source: blackfriday09.livejournal.com

If you ask anyone out of USA about “Black Friday Shopping” and most people will not know this phenomenon or understand its frenzy. Black Friday is day after US Thanksgiving as one of the biggest shopping day. Now, they are starting similar trend in Canada, Australia and UK with little success so far. Black Friday usually means that shops which were in “red” (negative profit) will turn accounting from red to black (meaning profit).

Usually Friday after Thanksgiving is one of the big shopping day, where people actually get up really early like 4AM to stand in line to buy things at supposedly huge discount. You can find out more about history of Black Friday in Wikipedia . As this was not enough, many stores are now getting open on 12 midnight on Thursday night, so people can shop earlier. Some stores actually have been open on Thursday Thanksgiving Holiday afternoon. I think the original meaning of Thanksgiving is lost and now it has became a shopping day instead. True meaning of holiday should be friends and family came together to share a meals and harvest together, now many people come together with newspapers Ads and plan how to tackle and make most out of the shopping rush.

About 5-6 years ago, we decided to not give usual Christmas gifts for adults in traditional sense, we still share meals, experience and homemade gifts. We still give present to kids thing they NEED , and some they Want, such as jackets, socks, books and one toy! I am not sure how others in our family members feel still about it, as they still occasionally do traditional gift giving which is noble thought. However, the huge pressure has been off my mind, not having to shop and buy things from everyone in your list to spouse, kids, uncle, aunts, grandparents, neighbors, co-workers, boss, mailman and so on.

See: How to Simplify Giving During Holidays

10 Things to Do Instead of Shopping on Black Friday

While, I am not saying not to appreciate the people in our life someway, but there are better ways to appreciate them. Gifts from heart are always much sweeter than some cheap electronics things that people will not even remember after 4 months after Christmas season.

Check out some out articles from Heart and Mind to make your heart filled instead of stuff;

10 ways to help someone during bad economy

20 ways to be Romantic for Free (or cheap)

How to have Stress Free Thanksgiving

White Friday No shopping day

Gifts from heart during Holidays

So what we did during this Holiday?

We had family over for meal, we saw some DVDs and played with kids, met visiting relatives, talked to family who are in other part of countries, relaxed. We stayed away from walmart and any shopping area. We went to bookstore and read books! We shared a meal with a neighbor!
We looked at the newspapers filled with bargains and decided we did not NEED any of these things. Maybe not very traditional but it was very meaningful to me.

So, what is wrong with saving money and giving gifts to loved ones?

No, there is nothing wrong. Actually I truly think people who are shopping at 3 AM and 4 AM to buy things for themselves and other are actually have best interest at heart and are well meaning people. I know as my best friend and my younger brother is pro at black Friday shopping and gets many great deals for everyone he knows. I am sure if you are shopping you do that too. Average American spends about $689 on Christmas gifts, that is huge. One does not have to go broke while giving gifts!

However, there is secret I want to share with you all, that is your loved ones will be happy with simplest things, like spending time, listening to them, giving things they truly need, such as groceries, clothes, educational books, jackets. Most of all many of us need simple appreciation from heart more than anything. Not a flattery but heartfelt appreciation.

People may like shiny things like diamonds, electronic gadgets, toys and other shiny objects but that joy is not as long lasting as things we get it from heart. I can see my 5 year old, who gets so excited when he gets Super hero toys (things he is into right now) but he simply as happy drawing super heroes and talking about them and creating stories with us.

I want to share a new video for Story of Electronics! by the creator of Story of Stuff. It is little over 7 minutes and worth watching once! Check it out.

Having meaningful and happy living

Regardless of where you live, how you choose to shop or not, how you celebrate any holidays regardless of your religion, enjoy and cherish the time spent with your friends and family. Share meals, give experience gifts and spend time with each other, listening to each other.

Further reading;

Reconnect with people and community around you

Irony of recession

Story of Stuff

8 ways to live happy and content life

Zengirl

What if you had Golden Touch?

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“We tend to forget that happiness doesn’t come as a result of getting something we don’t have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.”
– Frederick Keonig

What if you had a golden touch, so that every thing, every project you touch, turns in to a success or more money? Would not that be a blissful living?

I wonder about it, too often. However, once we achieve one financial goal, we move on to our other desires and wants. There are no ends to desires, as we often struggle to find contentedness with what we have and think having more money will solve our problems. Worst of all, money actually makes some things in our life more complex and awkward. Don’t believe me?

Let me share you my story, I was working as a manager in high a stress corporate job making over six figures and was very stressed, did not have time to enjoy my life and kept feeling something was missing from my life.  Now being a stay at home mom and doing volunteer jobs, or working for my blog part time, without any monetary gain, yet I feel lot more satisfied with my life compared to before? Why you ask? Because I am choosing to live life with what matters to me and I value the most, and not what mattered to my VP at the job or other people.  Now, I am not saying being poor without money is better. While being financially secure is important part of our life, none of us will ever be happy with all of the world’s money at our feet if we are not content.

Let me also share a mythical story called “Golden touch” to show you that sometimes having more money or wealth can bring sadness or emptiness in the life. While this story might be mythical, it can applied to our real lives in today’s world. You will see why, read on. This is based on Indian mythical story of Goddess Lakshmi, which shares similar moral wisdom of Greek Mythology of King Midas and other cultural stories.

Story of a Merchant who had Golden Touch

There once was a Goddess of money.  She saw people on earth suffering from hunger, pain and ill-health.  She thought, “Only if I can give enough money to a few good people, their suffering would end, and they would live a happier life”.

The Goddess of Money Goddess one good merchant who was kind hearted and a good devotee of the Goddess.  She appeared before him and granted him a wish that he can have anything he wished for.  He said he was grateful for all he had but wondered what it would be like to have anything he touched, to turned in to gold. So, the Goddess of money, granted him that wish.

The merchant was very happy, he went in the house and his shop and turned a few vases and pots into gold.  He felt happier and went outside in the garden, he turned a few flowers and plants into gold.  It was amazing, that everything he touched was turning into real solid gold.  After a while, he got bored and felt hungry.

He came inside and asked his wife for food. His wife brought delicious and mouth watering food in a plate for him. He could not wait to eat as he was famished.  But, as soon as he touched the food, it turned into gold.  He felt sad and one tear rolled away from his eye. His wife saw it and said dear, do not worry, “I will feed you”. So merchant was happy and touched her hand to be affectionate in his appreciation of his wife for being so nice to him.  And yes, you guessed it? She turned into gold as well.  Now he was hungry, angry for losing his beloved wife and wondered if this wish from the Goddess was a good idea after all.

He was sitting still making sure not to touch anything in fear. In the afternoon, his 4 year old daughter, whom he loved so much came from her preschool and saw her daddy crying, and asked what happened?  The merchant had broken down by that time and started crying.  The little girl wanted to give him a hug to make her daddy feel better.  As she touched her father, she too turned into gold.  Now the Merchant had broken down hysterically and started to pray to the Goddess of Money to take away his boon as it had turned in to a curse and snatched away all the love and joy from his life.  That boon was supposed to make him happy, not take away what mattered to him the most.  What is the use of money if he had no loved one’s to share it with?

The Goddess of Money finally heard his prayers and saw that money did not solve his problems, and she felt the pain and heartache of the merchant.  She was kind and just so she undid the wish and put the merchant in sleep trance.  After a little while when the merchant woke up, he saw his wife and daughter next to him.  They asked, why he slept off in middle of the day? The Merchant was so happy to see his family.  Just to be sure he touched a pillow before touching them, when pillow remained a pillow, he was the happiest person in the whole world as his perspective had changed.  The Merchant told to his family that he had a bad dream.  His wife and daughter asked what would make him happy.  He said eating a home cooked meal together would be the best gift in the world while he hugged them. And it was, the merchant had the best and satisfying meal in his entire life with his wife and daughter!

In conclusion, if money made everything better, many lottery winners and millionaires would be the happiest people in the world. True golden touch is gold or money itself but people in your life. Being content with what you have is the best way for living life, even though it may seem impossible. We will never know how good we have it, until we lose it like the merchant did.  Many of us may not realize it but you are richer than you think .

If you look back at the happy memories in your life, I bet, it will have to do less with money and more about sharing with people you care for. Don’t you agree?

Image Source: DJ Wich

Wisdom gained from our camping trip

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We  generally like fresh air, sunshine, love outdoors, park and nature. So it is natural that we should try out camping We have done camping occasionally, but not enough to be called expert by any means. R and P love outdoors and nature like most kids and we thought we should be brave enough to try camping with 2 kids, now that P is over 1 year! Here is our wisdom and lessons learned from our recent camping trip in early August.

After having kids, we thought to try out camping about an hour drive from where we live, close enough to drive back home just in case of kids emergency. We thought one night was good enough to start with with 2 little ones. It was long overhaul for just one day and we learned a few things or two that we had not thought of. I thought of sharing our humorous experience and lesson here; If you are novice like me, you will learn and if you are expert campers, you already know this and give me lot of tips to make our national lampoon’s type camping to better one. Either case, this will provide you with some entertainment and laugh.

You can not be minimalist camper with family.

You will have to carry everything you need with you including kitchen sink plus more. I am sure some single guy will prove me wrong here, by saying they can camp with just one backpack. I will tell them to wait until they are married with kids and then tell me how much stuff those little ones seem to be need.

As a family with 2 kids, we need so many things, yes I said NEED these stuff. Those of you with kids will know, we parents will do anything, even give kid a candy if that mean having 10 minutes to drink tea in peace.

Here are some of the break down of typical stuff a family with kids need/want to take;

  1. Tent large enough to fit family plus all crap that we bring
  2. Bedding, pillows, blankets, jackets
  3. Tarps for undercover, door mat to keep dirt away from tent (even though it will not work)
  4. Clean and fresh water for cooking, drinking (Take more then you think you need)
  5. Milk/soy milk, Tea/coffee/sugar, salt, spices, fruits, vegetables, knife, cutting board,
  6. Can opener, Serving and Stirring Utensils, plates, cups, spoons, fork etc, Pots, Pans
  7. Cleaning liquid soap, washing soap, shampoo, towels, clothes, extra towels, swim suit
  8. Extra clothes, hiking shoes, regular slipper, torch, lantern, extra batteries
  9. Snacks, ice, other cooking supply, cooler1 and cooler 2
  10. Insect and mosquito cream, camera, video, extra batteries, radio,CD  player
  11. books, fire logs, fire starter, camping folding chair, folding table,
  12. extra table to keep huge food supply you brought with you for 10 people, even though you are only 4 people.
  13. Extra papers, drawing supply to draw wild life which you will not get a chance to touch because your 1 year old is running around keeping you too busy to even eat.
  14. Bring cell phone, laptop just in case you want to check on your blog comment, which no one cares to read during weekend anyways.
  15. Toys, stuffed bears and loveys for kids as they will not sleep without it.
  16. Kids diapers, back up stuff for kids plan A through back up stuff to plan F.
  17. You need a huge extra caravan to fit it all.
  18. You need a day to pack it all and one day to unpack it all.
  19. Extra cash, just in case you forgot to pack something important
  20. ATM card just in case you forgot to pack enough cash
  21. Little bit sanity (which you find only after coming home for 4 days)

After you come back from your camping your own house/apartment will look luxury hotel.

  1. After using those coin shower that gives you 2 minutes of extra hot water for 25 cents, you will know luxury when you use your own hot water in your bathroom and do not have to worry about time running out.
  2. You bathroom is not wet all over and you can change your and your kids clothes without getting them wet.
  3. You will feel your bathroom is 5 star hotel after using camping toilets
  4. You do not need to wait in line at morning rush, you can be king or queen
  5. You do not need to worry about insect biting you inside your home
  6. You actually have a plenty supply of water whenever you need, not worrying about water or ice running out
  7. You do not need to worry about batteries running out and actually enjoy listening to music without time limit
  8. You are not living off suitcases/bags to find stuff
  9. You do not need to clean and put away things right away, you can let dishes sit in sink for hour or two.
  10. you will not to dress up on layers clothes as temperature changes outside.

Surprising things that I would have never guessed before camping;

  1. You will need a jackets and fire to warm you at night, in middle of hot summer.
  2. We do not know how to protect and survive if bear is outside the tent, no bear are not cute as teddy bears always.
  3. You will need more water and ice supply than you can imagine
  4. Without city lights, and night light, how dark it could be at night, pitch black.
  5. Your tent walls are not thick enough, so you will get to hear all sounds, such as cricket, animals (if any), someone walking by (night restroom use) or next tent snoring, your own kids crying and waking others in near by area, it is all fun and embarrassing sort of way.

Final summary:

When you come back and takes you whole day to unpack and 2 days more to recharge, you will swear you will never go camping again. Then you see all these wonderful pictures and friends call you and you think why not? It was not so bad. We can improve and have fun. So the vicious circle of camping adventure starts again.

Lesson here is that do not worry about learning any wisdom from here, just go out and have fun, camping, cabin, hotels, motels, vacations or staycations. Summer is meant to be enjoyed, so we are going to go again. Only this time we are prepared to know that no one should sleep close to our tent, until little P learns to sleep through the night or we have a silencer on our tent.

Did you enjoy this story? This is real account of our recent camping and we have gained no wisdom what so ever. We are planning to do it again!

Your Turn: How is your camping experience?

Image Source: Johnson outdoors

No Spend Month Challenge: Update and Take away from the experiment

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Now that August is here, here is a recap of our No Spend Month Challenge with its final update and lessons and take away from this No Spend experiment:

This July we did No Spend Month experiment to see if our family of four, living in Northern California can survive with only 0: For groceries, eating out, cleaning, gardening supply, entertainment (books, movies, etc), Gas for cars, Any repairs, clothing and accessories and other items.

31 days

4 people

$300

To see recap on what is No Spend month and with Monday’s weekly updates on how we did, check out the posts below for more details.

No Spend Moth Challenge: Introduction $0
No Spend Month Challenge: Update 1 Money Spent 1st week: $104.73
No Spend Month Challenge: Update 2 Money Spent 2nd week: $33.72
No Spend Month Challenge: Update 3 Money spent 3rd week: $97.15
No Spend Month Challenge: Update 4 Money spent4th week: $18.50

Last week spending update:

Gas and Groceries only.
Total for last 5 days: $45.56

Here is total breakdown for the whole month to compare where did the money go?

Our Total expenses for the No Spend month Details:

Gas for both cars: $158.79
Groceries: $82.70
Misc: Rest of the budget
Total for the month: $299.66

As you can see, we barely made with 44 cents left over from our $300. Phew!!
Edited to add: We did not pre-stock gas for the cars or groceries prior the the no spend month experiment. Also all expense from cash and little on credit card are included here (even though CC bill be due next month).

Highlights and Analysis of this month:

  1. Gas prices are highest in the nation in Northern California, cheapest unleaded gas price is around $3.20 per gallon here. Except for our long Yosemite drive, we did not drive much and walked. Gas we had to fill in every other week, our normal gas expenses are much higher. This was consciously done.
  2. We had once had guests over for dinner and once we had to bring a potluck meal for 40 people. Our groceries expense is under $100, because we mostly used up our pantry, frozen and canned food supply this month. We still have a few cans and little frozen food left but most of food supply is used up. We were also were able to donate some goods that otherwise would have expired before being used.
  3. We did not eat out except for coffee and snacks once.
  4. We did not spend any money on repairs, clothes, cleaning supply or diaper this month as we used vinegar and cleaning supply from home for it. Zenguy repaired one chair by himself. And we used gift card (from last Xmas) to buy some diapers and we supplemented with cloth diapers for little P.
  5. I did little splurging like buying used books ($1.50) or used high chair ($10, actually needed) as Little P was growing out of his bouncer which we used as a feeding chair till now. Although we did not spend much money this month, we still were able to manage life and have fun.
  6. Both kids have no idea that we were in no spend month last month or had any budget issues. They were happy as usual. Our life style is mostly simplified anyways.
  7. Knowing we did not have money to spend, we stayed out of malls, bookstores, clothing stores and un-necessary grocery trips. We visited library more often and read books and movies from our own collection.
  8. We cleaned up our yard, organized our Gazebo, took out weeds and planted some more plants and flowers in our yard. We went for walking to near by parks, caught up with neighbors, watched movies from our small collection for entertainment.
  9. My breakdown point came around day 25th of this No Spend Month. I was feeling down, blue and bit childish as I wanted freedom to spend and not count everything before we buy stuff. It is like food fasting, which is good for day or few days but if you keep doing it always, it is not good for your health. Money fasting is similar in a way, too long of it might would have created deprivation.
  10. I learned a lot about myself and my family and our strengths and weaknesses. My family always supported me, even though this was my decision, Zenguy also curbed his spending and motivated me when I was bit down last 5 days. I also kept busy with my guest posts and commenting there to keep my mind off from my budget and it worked well.
  11. I also re-learned that we do not need money to be happy, we had a lot of good times during this month as a family. I got to see my creative side to make new meals from left over food. I was able to complete the No Spend Month challenge despite giving up hope during last week.
  12. There are many people who made this happen for me. I could not have done this challenge without support of Zenguy and my kids. I learned this concept of No Spend month, from Rachel of small notebook and I was honored to be mentioned in her post about this challenge  along with others What to eat on beans and rice budget, besides beans and rice . Also I got to know other ladies who were also in same journey and Sharon mentioned my update on her post Diary of No spend Month: day 19 too. Thanks Rachel and Sharon for the shout outs and support.
  13. I am thankful to Betsy Bargain , Vaishali and Ali sharing their money savings tips during this month. And to all my readers despite coming from various background supporting my challenge and commenting on update posts, kept me going.
  14. This challenge was not about winning or losing, this challenge for me was to make a conscious spending decision. I always thought of my self very frugal but this month made me realize I have quite a way to go and things to learn. I am more appreciative of people who live on very little every month, not because of any challenge, but because they have to.
  15. I learned that simplifying life and spending less has enabled me to stay home with both the kids and survive even with zero salary as Zenguy is between projects right now. Money may give us illusion of (temporary) happiness but happiness comes always from within.

These are my take away, analysis and lessons learned for the whole No Spend month Challenge. I am glad I did this challenge openly despite being scared of failing in front of others.

Your turn: What did you think of this challenge? Do you spend money consciously, regardless of how much money you have?

Image: dan / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

101 changes: Change 5 – Smile when you wake up

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I am writing a series of 101 small changes that we can make to our life quality better and build and lead more happier life that is in attune with our heart and mind. If you have not read previous posts, check it out my previous post101 changes: Change 4- Plant something and other 101 changes articles so far.

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A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.  ~Phyllis Diller

The world always looks brighter from behind a smile.  ~Author Unknown

When was the last time you smiled as you were waking up in the morning? I am sure if there any, there a far and few in between them.At least it was like that for me not too long ago, I woke up grouchy with weight of world on my shoulder every day.

I know this very well, even now as when I wake up, I am still sleepy and woken by either my 1 year old or preschooler, smile is last thing on my mind. Many times, I want to sleep still 10 more minutes or remember how much work I have to do today and other never ending to-do list of things to do today.

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Are we honest with family and friends?

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Are we honest when it comes to talking to our close friends and family? Do we have time to talk issues that are close to us and listen honesty from others?

I believe, most of us like to connect, but often time we are too busy with our daily lives.  Moreover, many times, we are not honest when talking about money and other personal issues, our dreams, our fears with family and close friends.  Some times, we hide the truth from loved ones, thinking it will hurt them or why worry them by telling anything.  Why do we do that?  It actually hurts family more, when we try to hide something, no matter how good the intentions might be.

I think, the first and foremost reason probably is time, that we do not get to “really” know people who are close to us. We all are busy, with kids, daily chores, friends, social obligations, work (outside and home), TV, entertainment and internet, games etc keep some of us very busy and we hardly get time to talk to our loved ones. Sometimes it is harder to really talk to each other, even when we are living together, so calling or meeting your family who lives far away is harder for many of us. For example, if your parents or siblings live out of town, in different state or country, that will make hard for connecting even with cell phones, emails and video calls just because of the physical proximity. However, with planning, we can make  effort to bridge a physical distance gap through honest phone conversations.

How many of us, really know about each other, hopes, dreams, money or other problems or issues, any hurt or happy feelings?? Do we know what others like, dislike? And if you think you do, do you do something about it or do you avoid confrontation? Most of us, leave things as is, when talking subject is uncomfortable, hoping that avoiding such topic means it will go away.  It does not, it brings more walls and issues between family and eventual hurts feelings by including them. I have seen many relatives, friends breaking relationships as resentments have gone way above the normal threshold.  Sometimes, just simple talking through the issues might do the trick, as long as both parties are willing to listen and be open minded.

Are we honest with our selves and others? For example, Generally women are much more open and frank about her feelings, and emotions with her friends, while many men tends to be more private and does not want to share so much. Not because, they does not want to share but because they may not want to trouble anyone about their problems. Most time, what we all want is someone to listen and understand without a judging us.

It is sad but true, that when we need more understanding, we will get the least.  Sometimes we are keeping the relationship on surface without going deep, thinking it will be too personal or people may not like it.  But if we care about any relationship, we must invest our valuable time in it, and not take relationship as a obligation, because you have to, but because you want to.  Just like you can not clap with one hand, this effort has to be made by both parties, one can start, but can not continue efforts without effort from both sides.

Yes, we all are busy, with job, blogging, driving, running errands, cooking, cleaning, paying bills, just trying to survive daily can be often busy task for many.  However, taking time out for our close friends and family will not only brings happiness in them but mental peace in you as well. People who we care for, like family and friends. If we care about each other we need to make time for each other and be honest in our talking. Why are we afraid to do that?

There is no such thing as being too busy. If something is truly important you, you will make time for it.

Go ahead and make a call to someone you have been thinking of but putting it off. Take time to listen to others and talk your heart out. I know many of us will benefit from this exercise. What are you waiting for?

Check out other related posts:

How To Create A Life That Does Not Need To Escape From: Part 1

How to Create A Life That Does Not To Escape From: Part 2

6 Surprising Ways to Boost Your Happiness

Zengirl

Image source: UCLA Magazine

12 ways to help your unemployed friends and family

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There are lot of people right now without a job throughout the USA and other parts of world.  California where we live is one of the place that was hit hard in form of unemployment and foreclosures.   According to the LA times, California’s unemployment rate is in the double digits, in some regions it is as high as 12%.  Click here for the LA times article .  It is tough and scary with no prospects of the economy improving anytime soon and foreclosures seem to be rising rapidly.  As if, this was not bad enough, many necessary goods are getting expensive during this recession,  I wrote about it earlier, please check out, Irony of Recession .  Being kind and compassionate with your unemployed friends may help a lot, even if it is hard for you to relate to them.  You can help in many ways even if you can not help financially. So, let’s look at a few ways to help them.

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10 Simple Things That Make Me Happy!

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Many times simplest things can bring smile and happiness in us. If you think back on times in your own life, you will realize that many of these happy memories has nothing to do money or things money can buy. Best things in life are not things, and costs nothing.

There are few simplest things in mine and Zenguy’s life that makes us happy:

1. When Both kids R and Little P are healthy, smiling and sleeping well.

2. Sitting and Drinking hot fresh and hot ginger chai-tea made by Zenguy

3. Eating simple home cooked meals or hanging out at our favorite food place.

4. Seeing cleaner house at night, after clean up of toys.

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